Good morning,

I don't know about you, but I struggle to say no. I say yes more often than I should because I like to help others and get involved, but this often ends up putting unnecessary pressure on my family. You may be struggling in this area as well, just like me.

When reflecting on this topic and looking for resources, I came across this thought from mental health expert Dr. John Delony: "When it comes to learning how to say no, we have to choose the guilt of disappointing someone over resenting them because we said yes."

He goes on to say that "When we say yes—but for a variety of reasons we need to say no—we end up exhausted, anxious and eventually burnt-out. But here’s the deal: You don’t just have the right to say no. You have the responsibility to.
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You can’t be a truly healthy and high-performing business owner, leader, friend, spouse or parent and please everyone all of the time. You can’t show up for those you care about and for those who truly need you if you’re depleted, exhausted and chronically shoving your needs underground. Deeply internalize this important truth: An honest no is always better than a dishonest yes."
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Here are 3 tips about how to say no that can help you pause, make a decision, and honor your needs while respecting the other person:
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1. Know what's most important to you
   ​Ask yourself this question: What’s most important to me in this season of life?
   Write down the top five things and use that list as a decision-making filter.
   Here are some examples:
   - Exercising for 30 to 60 minutes every day
   - Eating dinner with my family each evening
   - Paying off debt or saving up for a down payment on a house
   - Reconnecting with my spouse after a busy stretch at work
   ​
2. Set boundaries
   ​Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re essential for protecting your time, energy, and priorities. Without them, you risk overcommitting, overspending, and losing sight of what truly matters.
   Setting clear boundaries helps you make intentional choices, like prioritizing rest over a late-night concert or consciously trading sleep for a night out with friends. They allow you to balance your commitments while staying true to your values, ensuring that your life aligns with your own priorities rather than everyone else’s.
   ​
3. Respond with clarity
   ​Being clear is kind. Avoiding a direct answer to spare someone's feelings can actually cause more frustration.
   If you already know you can’t commit to something, be honest and clear - kindly, but firmly. Just as you’d want a straight answer when making plans or assembling a team, others appreciate clarity too. Saying no with respect is far better than leaving someone planning for you potentially being involved when that won't be the case.

A reminder for you and I: Every time we say yes to something, we’re saying no to something else.

All the best!
Alex Rășcanu

P.S. Consider joining us for one of the upcoming #ExperienceTO historical tours I am facilitating: Baby Point (this Saturday at 11:00 a.m.), Dufferin Grove, and Swansea.